In Memoriam

Gathering: Now, as we gather, let’s pause to center ourselves, give thanks for the blessings that we have in our lives, and to be both present and mindful as we enter a time of thought and discussion.

Focus: The history of the observation of Decoration Day is in dispute. However, In April 1865, following Lincoln’s assassination, commemorations were widespread. The more than 600,000 soldiers of both sides who died in the Civil War meant that burial and memorialization took on new cultural significance. Under the leadership of women during the war, an increasingly formal practice of decorating graves had taken shape. In 1865, the federal government also began creating the United States National Cemetery System for the Union war dead. By the 1880s, ceremonies were becoming more consistent as the GAR provided handbooks that presented specific procedures, poems, and Bible verses for local post commanders to utilize in planning the local event. Historian Stuart McConnell reports this direction from the manual: on the day itself, the post assembled and marched to the local cemetery to decorate the graves of the fallen, an enterprise meticulously organized months in advance to assure that none were missed. Finally came a simple and subdued graveyard service involving prayers, short patriotic speeches, and music … and at the end perhaps a rifle salute (Wikipedia)

Although its history is steeped in honoring those died in battle, today the holiday is a mix of placing flags on all the graves of all who served during wartime, cleaning grave sites and decorating them with new flowers, traditional gatherings and parades, and family picnics. For many it is the long weekend that kicks off summer and for others it is a moment that returns the psyche to a memory a loved one and perhaps, a tinge of grief.

Tonight we meet at a socially acceptable distance to discuss memories, grief, and hope.

Sentences on the Subject: “Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.” A. Lincoln

In Flanders fields the poppies blow between the crosses, row on row, that mark our place; and in the sky the larks, still bravely singing, fly. scarce heard amid the guns below. J. McCrae

We, held the day in the palm of our hands. They, ruled the night, and the night, seemed to last as long as six weeks on Paris Island. Billy Joel, Goodnight Saigon

Below is some “food for thought”, a few probes that might kick start a conversation. Read over them and pick one (or more, or none) to discuss. Remember to hold space for others to share and share only what you feel comfortable sharing.

Probe 1. What are some of the Memorial Day traditions that you no longer hold? What are your new traditions?

Probe 2. Different religions and cultures have various means of memorializing, remembering, and celebration the lives of those past. Beside placing flowers on a grave site, what are some of those ways?

Probe 3. The five general stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Psychologists have observed that many are experience grief as a result of this virus; grief resulting from the death of loved ones and grief resulting from the memories of habit and traditions that have been put on hold or lost. What do you think?

Probe 4. Emerging from grief, acceptance requires a new vision of what life will be, what “the new normal” entails. What is your hope for the “new normal”? What do you hope will be lost, remaining only in memory and what do you hope will emerge, born of the experience?

Commission: Hold on to what is good. Love deeply. Honor others. Stay excited about life and your faith. Be joyful. Be patient. If you pray, have faith. Share with people who are in need. Welcome others into your homes. Be loving to those who hurt you. Be present; be in the moment. Be agreeable, even with those with whom you disagree. Be humble. Be a friend of people who aren’t considered important. Do the right thing. If possible, live in peace with everyone. And remember, no matter who you are, or where you are on life’s journey- you are welcome here.